I’ve been trying (more so wanting) to do an animated series, video game, comic, bring a concept idea to life…thing, for a while now. I’ve been doodling, sketching, concepting, learning, planning, relentlessly studying for a long time and I’ve yet to produce anything. And I have been trying to figure out why, why nothing that comes outta my head ever gets done. Ever since the 6th grade (I think might be lower than that) I’ve been wanting to make a video game, My first game came from a bunch of things I loved, Mortal Kombat and Sonic.
Sort of Looked like this:
Pretty Much an 8 bit Karate Man in an 8-bit sonic level. These early ambitions lead me to chase a game career through college right after 12th grade from high school. My dreams were “to start my own game company and make my own game.” The school didn’t realize (or maybe they did…they did) that they had me fooled at the gate. I found myself in the midst of students who were hoping to land on a cloud while shooting at stars ( there’s no problem with this, it’s just sad to see dreams be killed and their deaths being accepted as a normality in our world ) by wanting to be nothing but 3D modelers at either their favorite game company or ANY local next door game company. Now call me unrealistic, but you DO have dreams for a reason and killing your dreams to be realistic is just a comfortable way of failing at your all time goals. Now that that is over, I realized (or maybe just believed other people more than I did myself) that my hopes struck high, according to theses guys, it seemed Very high so I mentally started to lower and lower my hopes of creating my “own” game company and video game until I fell into confusion of what I reallywanted to do, and thoughts of if it was even possible for “one” person to accomplish such things began to linger in the midst of my brain. Killing my dreams just to fit in reality pretty much was like killing my childhood with its dreams splattered all over the floor, so I started to stick to what I was good at, drawing. Started to think that maybe I could be a “concept artist”, but I realized that that title made be feel like I would be focused on just drawing designs and giving me no room to grow out of that and by that time I already felt I could have qualified to be a concept artist without really even trying ( no offense to concept artists out there, you guys do amazing work and no I can’t steal your job easily…….with deviantart spam links) so this title “concept artist” had bored me and left me with little to no motivation at all to learn to get better at it. So I took a shot at Adobe Flash CS5 a program that allows you to make a 2D side scroller game with actionscript coding (one of the many innovative features flash can be used for, but not exactly Meant for). Now my Karate Man Sonic game idea had died in a grave of nostalgia and I had developed new, New, NEW ideas for my attempt at a 2D side scroller.
Sort of looked like this:
A man with a back handled Machete in the back alleys of NY City ( fighting robots). while taking the classes for this program I realized I didn’t exactly learn everything it took to make my vision. This was really not the teacher’s fault but my fault for not going and doing the research for the codes and everything I needed to make what I wanted to do possible and done! And man I was so amped for that class I was gonna put the game on Newgrounds and make a comic…man what a waste. That idea never got a chance to taste the breath of life, and this failure to execute one idea lead to a domino effect of rise and falls of many others that linger in the garbage canisters of my head. So since making a “simple” 2D side scroller (like I originally planned) became an uneventful venture I dived back in the pool of confusion hoping to emerge back to the surface with a main focus. Drawing and doodling my way to my next idea around the corner I ventured in the world of 3D modeling. Taking these classes was both a motivating and de-motivating experience. The chance to create one of my very own characters in 3D was an all time joy to me but never receiving the chance to take on that task in class discouraged me to try on my own. I naively believed that
“college” was supposed to teach me Everything I know. So again I killed my own education just because I didn’t receive it in the class room, I got the idea that if I didn’t eat it from the teacher’s spoon that it wasn’t valuable enough to be in my stomach. I was wrong, terribly wrong. I was killing my own power by trying to receive knowledge from the messenger rather than the source. I have to learn it whether or not the teachers taught it or not. So I put 3D on the back burner, and it has been their so long that it has started to bake and I fear the next time I reach my hand it it it might just scorch me. Still intending to do 3D I realized (really realizing this time) that I wanted to 3D model because I really wanted to animate the 3D models. Thus caused me to adventure into the world of “Animation”. Now I found myself in a world that I had loved this whole time but have been trying to learn a bunch of other things just to learn this. I went around the world just to go around the corner, I had realized this is what I truly wanted to do, just had to filter out all the dust bunnies underneath the couch to find my long-lost wresting action figure. I find myself right now with a couple senseless animations to test the waters, it is a scary thought to say that I am born for something because you base your whole existence on that one thing but ” I am born for animation.” I did a few animations just to have underneath my belt, unfinished clips of scattered yet together thoughts of attempted visions. Never stopped and thought about the “STORY”. How can you walk without legs, how can you animate with no Story. SO being beaten down with every idea that strikes, I’m told to go back and make the story, make the story, MAKE THE STORY. I found myself just wanting to draw, draw, draw, and writing felt like a boring burden. FINALLY I WRITE! I study production books and films and write little side back-stories to build my pretty looking Characters. YES! Now I’m getting there, I’m finally gonna get to try, to take a decent non-half ass attempt, to make a STORY! then I realized, why isn’t all this working, why am I not making my dream come true, why isn’t my dream done, why don’t I have anything done. I’m watching “The Pixar Story” I’m reading a creative writing book, I’m reading the “Avatar Last Airbender” book on how it was created, I’m writing down ideas, I’m making characters, I’m making back-stories, I vision characters, I draw out sketches of Scenes, I’m Planning, Studying, Watching, Seeing, Writing, Drawing, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…….I’m not Doing.I’m not doooing anything. I completely forgot the doing part. Can’t get ANYTHING done without actually Doing it.
“Just Do It”~Nike